Hopelessness, Fear and a Wedding Date.

What have I learned so far in planning my wedding?

Hopelessness sets in fast and fear is hand in hand.

Dresses. I went to three dress shops. The first one I liked two dresses a lot. The second one I liked one dress overall. The third shop I found nothing. Absolutely nothing. Diddly squat. That’s when it came. Fear. My thoughts went instantly to never finding a dress, settling on an ugly dress, regretting my decision and on and on it went.  Wait. Didn’t I already find one dress that trumped all other dresses and that I couldn’t get out of my mind when I tried others on? Yes I did. So I picked it.

Venues. I’ve emailed and looked and searched for a venue that can accommodate and best fit what Will and I have in mind. What have I found? Booked. They’re all booked. Oh gosh. We’re never going to find a place and if we do it’s going to be $50,739. Lord have mercy, let’s elope! Wait. Didn’t one place say to email back in a few days because cancellation happen? Aren’t there plenty more places I haven’t heard back from? Aren’t there places I haven’t contacted yet? Yes there are. So I’ll continue to look.

Details. Colors. Food. Music. Housing for out of town guests. Style. Decorations. How do I do this? Is this possible? Can I make this all happen? Where will the money come from? Who will help? Now my inner self is in the fetal position, crying and blubbering about flowers and tablecloths.

Then I look down at my ring. It’s beautiful. More than anything I had hoped for. And I think about who I’m marrying. He’s wonderful, much more than anyone I had dreamed of.

 It’s not about what I can do or what I can plan. Sure, there’s hard work involved but if the birds have food and a home won’t I, a daughter, have a wedding that works? Won’t I have a wedding that at the end of the day I’ll be able to look back and be amazed at how God pieced it together? If I allow him to do so, then yes.

So I’ll allow God to be my planner, provider, and all around hope for my wedding, my future, and for my life. It’s not hopeless. It’s never hopeless. And fear? Well, that’ll be something I have to kick to the curb because there’s a wedding to plan and I won’t let anything stand in my way.